Why I Refuse to Blog

Those of you who know me well know that I’m a late adopter.  It’s hard for me to jump on the bandwagon until all the bugs are worked out, the price has gone down, and there’s no chance that it’ll multiply if I feed it after midnight.  Example: I bought my first cell phone only about five years ago.  Yep, I watched all of you with your cool bag phones, gleeful that you will have chronic back problems and self-esteem issues for the rest of your days.  But I figured gettin’ down with my celly was too expensive, too much of a luxury, and would give me too many brain tumors if I caved too early.

So it is with blogging.  I’ve waited, debated, mutated, and finally decided to get on board.  I figure if this guy has a blog, there’s no chance in me being the most uncool blogger in all the world.  But, there are still a few reasons why it’s taken so long…

1. What the heck do I have to say?  I’m kinda like Forrest Gump…I am not a smart man.  You want theological musings on everything from evangelistic protocol to Mormon holy underwear, better check out another page.  Here, it’s more along the lines of trying to make sure spell check can keep up.
2. Who the heck wants to read it?  Last summer when I was in Central Asia, my team and I started talking about the pros and cons of blogging.  It was an overwhelming bloodbath when I mentioned I was thinking about it.  Friends that I have known for years turned on me with viciousness and ice picks, telling me that bloggers were stupid and they would never read my blog no matter what I said, what I paid them, or how interesting it was.  I was deeply encouraged and immediately started therapy.  So with that in mind let me just say to Carla, “I found a blue-eyed rich doctor who wants to marry you.  Call me and I’ll give you his phone number.”  (That’ll teach her not to read my stuff.)
3. Vanity, vanity… I don’t want to be one of those guys who is slave to the stats counter.  That’s why you’ll never see one on this site.  And I’m thinking about blocking it from my list of approved sites, just because yes, I am that shallow.
4. I ain’t doing this every day.  This ties in to #1 above.  But good glory, I got stuff to do, people.  I will be about as irregular as the 2008 cheddar cheese eating champion.
5. Blogging is a gateway drug that leads to other evils, the main one being Twitter.  I refuse to even give you a hyperlink to Twitter, so loathsome is it in my world.  Let me say this: if you ever get to the point where you care that I talked to my mechanic today or that I’m pulling into the ATM drive up lane, you need to purchase some pharmaceutical products.  Fast.