Published: 9 years ago

The Controversial Post

There’s a topic that I’ve been very cautious not to tackle in the fledgling days of this blog.  It’s a subject which, at its very core, has the power to split friendships and families.  It’s one which is fraught with emotion on either side, and just bringing it up has the potential to label you as an infidel if you find yourself on the flip side of someone’s opinion.

Early in the days of becoming a pastor in North Carolina, I foolishly charged headlong into the subject.  I was a brash know-it-all who felt that I must speak the truth, no matter the personal cost.  In reality, it was the best way to alienate myself from my congregation and my co-pastors, so I learned to keep quiet.

However, on Day Two of my Tennessee / Alabama vacation, I’ve had a realization.  I can no longer betray my upbringing and my internal compass.  Whatever the cost, I simply must speak out.  I just has to be said:

North Carolina barbecue is horrible.

Now, I have a lot of love for my adopted home state.  Merriem and I have lived there for just over half of our marriage.  Our two older kids don’t really remember life outside of NC.  My youngest, by his birth, is a native.  The Tarheel State has a lot going for it.  We have the mountains and the beach.  We have Andy and Opie.  We gave Krispy Kreme to the world.

But our barbecue insults the pigs it was picked from.  I can’t understand for the life of me why any self-respecting cook would chop a pig to smithereens, add all sorts of foreign flaky objects, and serve it up as if it were art on a plate.  I remember the first Pig Pickin’ I ever attended.  There lay Porky, in all his naked glory, split down the middle and splayed on a grill that had been converted from an old oil drum.  From the taste of the pig, they didn’t scrape out the drum before they started cooking on it.  There was no amount of hush puppies that would cover the funk.

But Tennessee barbecue…Tennessee barbecue is a religious experience.  I grew up in Southern Middle Tennessee, and here in the Tennessee Valley there is a family that I refer to as the Barbecue Mafia.  Some decades back, legend has it, the family split into three factions, and those three groups of descendants now have three different restaurant chains all over this area.  When the pit is fired up, you can smell the heavenly piggy for miles.  Today, I experienced their talents…twice.  My taste buds immediately formed a committee to thank my hands for raising the fork to my mouth.

Let me just say this to my NC brethren: you can poo-poo my BBQ view.  But I challenge you, drive down here.  Try the barbecue (it’s pulled pork, as it should be).  I promise you that you will get in your car, travel back to the city of your birth, walk into your parents’ living room, and slap your mama.  It is just that good.  You don’t need sauce.  You don’t need vinegar.  You do need stretchy pants.  And perhaps a paramedic standing close by.

So there you have it…I speak the truth in love.  Since God has blessed the piggies, you shouldn’t squander the blessing.  

I stand ready for your nasty, underhanded, opposing views.  But I won’t stand for long…there are leftovers in the fridge.

13 Comments.
  1. photorobin says:

    Danny.
    We both know I’ve never been one to lift you up, encourage you, agree with, or even just simply like you, but on this I must agree (it will not become a common practice, however).

  2. Danny says:

    That’s what you call bar-b-qunity.

  3. Joel says:

    Hallelujjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaahhhhh-Glory!!!!!!!!!!! You speak the truth my friend-I’m suprised that you haven’t been attached yet. While living in NC I made the same comment that the BBQ was nasty and I got jumped on BIG TIME!!!! It’s like their trying to cover for their ugly kid or something. True NC people refuse to speak the truth!!!!

    ha ha you are too stinking funny!! I thought you were goint to talk about election or tongues or something!!!!!!

  4. waddey says:

    I think it’s spelled bar-b-quenity, otherwise it sounds like bar-be-kwunity.

  5. photorobin says:

    Oops, that was me logged in as Mike (you know Mike’s spelling dilemmas and how he would have never caught a spelling error such as that).

  6. photorobin says:

    Ha, now all your comments are out of order. How does that make you feel Mr. Orderly?

  7. photorobin says:

    Dadgummit, I just realized these are all “awaiting moderation”. I guess you can just post the first one ’cause ain’t nothing funny now, nothing’s out of order, and I gotta go do more laundry.

  8. spenceshelton says:

    You are a food heretic and I will be waiting for your return with sticks & matches.

  9. adammoore says:

    You are definitely wrong, because I ate some fantastic North Carolina BBQ today for lunch!

  10. joel says:

    Sad case! I feel sorry for NC BBQ lovers. There’s def. something wrong there. It’s like drinking wine or black coffee-an aquired taste I suppose. They think it tastes good but it really doesn’t by the rest of America’s standards.

  11. jlg5074 says:

    The Lord rebuke Daniel Frank and beans. The Lord rebuke you.

  12. Shannon says:

    Amen, Danny. Amen. TN though? How ’bout GA? Now, that’s some good eats!

  13. Tar Heel Born and Bred says:

    I will not justify your delirious rantings with a rebuttal, but remember all those tasks you wanted me to accomplish while you are on vacation? You will find them piled on your desk for you to do when you return. You have crossed the line, I am done!

  1. By Sweet Tea « Rural Route Church on July 31, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    […] Danny Franks posted a great piece about pulled Tennessee pork yesterday. There is nothing better with bar-b-que […]

  2. By Tuesday Musings « Connective Tissue on February 17, 2009 at 7:32 am

    […] plus our Starting Point team packed the place out.  If you want some great barbecue and not that other stuff, check out Danny’s and tell ‘em Danny sent you.  (And then watch the confused looks on […]

  3. By Danny Franks | Summer Church Tour ’08 on March 2, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    […] I’ve laced up my asbestos suit and waded back into the firestorm I’ve created by daring to mock North Carolina pork products.  Two things are very obvious from the last post: […]

  4. By Danny Franks | Tuesday Musings on March 7, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    […] plus our Starting Point team packed the place out.  If you want some great barbecue and not that other stuff, check out Danny’s and tell ’em Danny sent you.  (And then watch the confused looks on […]

  5. […] we really ready to cut ties back home?  Did we really want our kids growing up to believe that North Carolina barbecue was […]

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