That’s right, I just had an 80’s flashback and made a blog post title reference to a Tony Campolo book / sermon / and maybe a movie but I can’t confirm that. You won’t see that kind of archived Christianity on the lead pastor’s blog, nosiree…only here at Connective Tissue.
So what’s up with the blockbuster title? I’m so glad you asked. If you’ve been around me for oh…say…the past 35 years (hi and happy birthday, sis!), you know that I used to be Chicken Little Church Announcements Guy (CLCAG). When you’re a student pastor (as I was for nine years), you often get the job of doing announcements in Big Church, which means that you have to prove to your students’ parents that you’re (a) not clinically insane, which some of them are wondering about especially since you just hosted the First Annual Student Ministry Food Fight which included 75 kids and a wading pool full of strawberry Jell-O, and (b) able to be enthusiastic about something besides your own student ministry agenda, which consists mostly of Bible studies on the end times and using phrases like “da’ bomb” a lot (hello, 90’s).
So as CLCAG, I would often take the pulpit and attempt to wow people with completely irrational statements that would overwhelm them with guilt / excitement / curiosity and make them come to whatever event I was promoting. I would say things like:
- The senior adult potluck is this Friday at noon, and it is going to rock your face off. I hear that the featured dessert is going to be Metamucil floats, and if you miss that you’ll regret it for the rest of your days!
- Vacation Bible School is going to be absolutely amazing this year. If you don’t get your kids here, you might as well go ahead and sign them up for a therapy session when they’re 30, because they’re going to blame their dysfunction on you and your irresponsibility this week.
- Wednesday night prayer time is going to be da’ bomb. You know that verse, “Jesus wept”? You will too if you miss it.
I finally came to the realization that the sky would not fall, the world would not come to an end, and kids would not grow up with an emotional wound if someone missed a church event every now and then. I also realized that I was being somewhat dishonest by pretending that every event was a can’t-miss issue. I mean really…wouldn’t life have been better had they skipped the Metamucil floats?
So that’s why I feel so confident in saying what I’m about to say. After all, I’ve been a recovering CLCAG for a while now and am no longer prone to irrational announcement outbursts. So here it is:
If you miss this Sunday, your face will melt off, slide to the floor, and I will drive to wherever you are just so I can laugh maniacally at you. And your children will be born naked.
Seriously, this Sunday we are embarking on a new chapter at the Summit, and I am absolutely thrilled over what God is doing and what you’re going to hear this weekend. If you’ve been here the last few Sundays, you’ve heard bits and pieces about Believe…this Sunday you get the full scoop on what it is and how you can be involved.
Please…don’t miss this. It’s better than all the Metamucil floats in the world, and you don’t have to schedule bathroom time afterwards. (Sorry…the potty humor is another leftover from student pastor days.)
If you’re not a part of the Summit, check back Monday for an inside look at Believe.