Published: 7 years ago

Crummy Church Signs

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t weep bitter tears over the demise of the Crummy Church Signs blog.  The guy who ran that thing gave voice to a truth that I’ve always known: church signs are a bad idea.  Giving a church a marquee is like giving a dingo a baby…eventually, something’s going to go horribly wrong.

I was reminded of that truth earlier this week while driving down a rural road in the deep south.  (In the south, summer doesn’t officially begin until a church sign says, “Brother, if you think it’s hot here…”)

So I was thrilled / mortified to see these signs, all on the same road, all within 2/10 of a mile of each other:

“Are you sick and discouraged? Come inside to meet the healer.”

The  poor health theme continued on the other side of the street.  I repeat: directly across the road was where I saw this sign:

“Sick and tired of being sick and tired? Come in for some life meds, no appt. needed.”

Not to be outdone – and just in case someone didn’t recover from their sickness –  let’s go back ACROSS THE STREET, where the flip side of Church #1’s sign said this:

“The death angel knows your address.  Are you ready?”

(“Gee, Doctor, it’s the strangest thing.  Timmy’s night terrors started just about the time we started attending that new church.”)

And finally, entry #4 comes from a church just down the street from these two.  I think it’s an appropriate benediction for this post:

“Without the bread of life you’re toast”

6 Comments.
  1. yo' sis says:

    You know bro’? It’s a good thing you come home to Tennessee every now and then ’cause you might just run out of things to write about! lol!

  2. photorobin says:

    That last one made me hungry.

  3. Jeremy Bergwerff says:

    Ya’ know Danny. I completely agree with you on the stupidity of church signs, but I really can’t help but laugh at nearly all of them. That is, if I’m not crying because of the ridiculous impression they leave on the rest of the community.

  4. Kearsie says:

    At least they spelled YOU’RE correctly. Otherwise, the twitch in my eye would’ve taken over.

  5. Lance says:

    I was a contributor to the Crummy Church Signs blog and also miss it. I was doing a search and stumbled on your site. I found the “Without the bread of life you’re toast” to be particularly cheesy. Thanks for keeping the tradition going!

  6. Kearsie says:

    I just re-read this post and guess what I was going to comment? “At least they spelled YOU’RE correctly.”

    It seems I’m pretty predictable.

  1. […] find you based on signage? Website? Other advertising? What about your church sign? For many of us, the church marquee is the death knell of your communication to your city. Get rid of it. Covert? That’s stuff like the cleanliness of your facility, accessibility to […]

  2. […] Read the entire post (and see some doozy examples). […]

  3. […] find you based on signage? Website? Other advertising? What about your church sign? For many of us, the church marquee is the death knell of your communication to your city. Get rid of it. Covert? That’s stuff like the cleanliness of your facility, accessibility to […]

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