Published: 7 years ago

Building Cool Points at Church

I serve on the staff of a rapidly growing multi-site church. While that means that there are a lot of great things happening, it also means that we’re always trying to shuffle the decks to accommodate new guests. Last weekend, for example, one of our campuses added a service and one of our campuses moved to a larger location. In the next few weeks, the Brier Creek campus (where I serve) will open a new 400 seat venue.

And again this week, we’re making an all-out push to get people to switch from more-crowded to less-crowded services or more-crowded to less-crowded campuses. So in the spirit of Jon Acuff’s point accumulation games, I offer you the following Summit Church Guide to Building Cool Points With Your Pastor:

  • If you attend the Brier Creek 11 AM service, but are willing to switch to the 9 AM, award yourself 5 points.
  • Attend the 9 AM but willing to go to the Bay? +7 points.
  • Attend the Bay but will move to BC South and therefore walk an extra half mile (but do so with a joyful heart) +9 points.
  • Continue to swagger into the 11 AM with the look of a grizzled war veteran, proudly boasting to all who can hear you “They ain’t broke me in the last four purges, they won’t break me in this one either!” -22 points.
  • Attend Brier Creek Sunday but will switch to Saturday? +12 points.
  • I meant the 4:15 on Saturday. +19 points.
  • When UNC is playing. +27 points.
  • But you’re a Duke fan. -6 points.
  • You commit to make the switch for six weeks. +15 points.
  • But only stick it out for two. -20 points.
  • You live around the corner from Brier Creek but are willing to drive across town to go to church. +31 points.
  • It’s not our church. -2 points.
  • It’s not even a church. It’s Texas Roadhouse. -13 points.
  • You leave your waitress a fake dollar bill tract. -16 points.
  • Show up to serve on Sunday morning as a volunteer, but attend on Saturday night so there’s room for guests. +46 points.
  • You invite your small group friends to make the switch with you. +29 points.
  • They actually do it. +68 points.
  • They don’t do it, because you’ve never shown up at small group and just use the email distribution list to send stupid forwards. -72 points.
  • Of your cat. -122 points.
  • Wearing sunglasses. -256 points.

TOTALS:

  • Zero or less: You need to rethink your commitment to the church. Yes, Jesus loves you. But I’m having second thoughts.
  • 1-49: Step it up. We had an open seat for you. We want to have one for our guests. Don’t make us park people on your lap.
  • 50-99: You have the makings of a top notch church member. Stick around, we might name a pew after you someday. If we did that kind of thing. Or had pews.
  • 100 and up: You’re far too accommodating of people and way too easily swayed. And I need to borrow some money. Texas Roadhouse sounds good.

The bottom line: we need to make room for our guests. They’re coming. They need a place to sit. You can help out by making the switch to a lesser populated service time, venue, or campus. Have more questions? Listen up this weekend and we’ll ‘splain it all.

(Not a fan of pastoral monkey business? Check out this slightly more serious post over on our campus blog.)

7 Comments.
  1. wow I laughed so loud when I read this!! well done. these last two posts are getting you well on your way to making up for the severe lack in posts lately. Not that I’m grumbling or anything. I know, you’re busy!

    Sadly, i did not do very well with the points so now if you don’t think i’m cool, its OK.

  2. Jon Thommarson says:

    Should I contact Jon Acuff and tell him you have a guest post for his blog?

    Hilarious by the way!

    I’ll take you to Texas Roadhouse if you want….=)

  3. Morgan Pope says:

    My favorite line: “But you’re a Duke fan. -6 points.”

    I’ll make sure to not forward you any emails about my cat wearing sunglasses (but that would be a cute picture!).

  4. Bobby Farr says:

    You have convinced me, I am switching campuses and inviting my in-laws, small group, and my circle of friends. I don’t forward emails and I don’t have a cat. What is my point total????

  5. Bobby Farr says:

    Danny,
    No cool points for personal shots, Foul

  6. Lee Beck says:

    I’m wearing a t-shirt under my sweater today that says “I Love My Church.” Danny’s posts and the friendly banter is one reason why I really do. This blog post is almost a year old but it’s still funny.

    If it gets above 80 tday, I may even take off the sweater.

  1. By Church of Crisco - Danny Franks on June 30, 2017 at 9:14 am

    […] Want more? Check out one of my favorite posts from this time last year (but don’t get confused, some of that info is dated). Building Cool Points at Church. […]

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