Published: 10 years ago

Caring Enough To Confront

Confrontation has never been one of my strong suits. Merriem loves to tell the stories of our dating and early marriage days when I wouldn’t even speak up if a restaurant got my order wrong…

Me: Mmmm…these salmon cakes and asparagus look delicious!

Merriem: But baby, you ordered apple pie.

But through the years – especially as a pastor – I’ve learned the importance of the occasional, well-timed confrontation. Perhaps it’s with a husband who has let his relationship with his wife drift. Maybe it’s with a volunteer who has let the vision of their ministry leak. Possibly it’s with an entire church that has become too complacent with sin.

Regardless of the reason behind the confrontation, we rarely love people well if we’re too scared to confront.

Don’t get me wrong – there are times that we can confuse confrontation with our own twisted sense of self-righteousness and nosiness. In all things, God needs to guide our need to lovingly confront through the truth of scripture. But when God guides, we need to allow him to use us as necessary.

Don’t be afraid of the tough conversations. Avoiding them only makes it harder.

  1. Lauren D says:

    We were talking about this last night in small group as we discussed Proverbs 10, where it says

    Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life,but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.

    We talked about who we should approach with correction and rebuking when we see sin in their lives. We definitely should confront members of our small group, because one of the purposes of being in a small group is to love, support, and encourage one another. But it became questionable when we talked about confronting other members of the church. Do we know them well enough to know what sins they are struggling with? Do we know them well enough to know how they will react to the confrontation?
    It’s a tough topic.

    • Danny says:

      Absolutely, Lauren. I should have been more clear and said that in 99% of the cases, the prerequisite for confrontation is relationship. As Dave Ramsey says, “Its easier to thump someone on the head if your arm is around their shoulder.”

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