Published: 10 years ago

I’ve Just Been Upgraded

So if you follow me on Twitter –

Editor’s Note: Whoa there.  Is there a shameless plug coming up?

– absolutely not.  If you follow me on tell all your friends and neighbors and shout it from the rooftops and do one of those cool follow Friday things and oh wow I think that was indeed a shameless plug but let’s hope it works.

If you do the Twitter thing, you know that Wednesday afternoon I became a human pin cushion for some very nice ladies named Atilla and Adolf who work in a dark cramped dungeon filled with torture devices otherwise known as a medical clinic.  The long and short of it is, my wife told me that it was time for a flu shot.  AND an H1N1 shot (hereinafter referred to as the Piggy Flu because I’m not scared of the pork industry.  At least not much.  Keep your hands off my bacon cheeseburger.).

So I made it into the chamber, was strapped down to the stretching device while they poured hot acid into my right eyeball, and given a flu shot.  And then the torture twins, apparently having missed my wife’s very clear instructions that they puncture me as much as possible, told me that I was ineligible for a Piggy Flu vaccine.

And then the unthinkable happened.

I actually talked them into giving me another shot.

I casually mentioned that I was a pastor and was in the hospital a lot (not for my own stress-related illnesses, but thanks for asking), and maybe I should get one.  And even as the words were coming out of my mouth my brain was screaming, “Stop!  You fool!  You were out clean!  No more shots!  Stop the talky!”

But I continued, until executioner #1 got a wicked gleam in her eye and said, “Well, it looks like you qualify as a healthcare professional.  Roll ’em up.” And she bludgeoned me again.

So, as a healthcare professional, I feel like it is my duty to tell you all about the Piggy Flu vaccine.  For all of my protests, it actually didn’t hurt that much, and I’ve got just about all the feeling back in that arm and can almost type normally agaiopfhnv%^…932.

Oh sure, maybe you can’t pass yourself off as a healthcare professional (I’m wearing a stethoscope as we speak), but you should get that thing.  Some people say that it gives you a low-level version of the flu, but I say that’s hogwash.  I mean ridiculous.  The vaccine works, and I feel totally fine today, and that’s the poink I’m trying to make.

Point.  That’s the point I’m trying to make.  The arguments for getting the shot are much more compelling than those against the shot.  The rationale is as clear as the snout on my face.  I mean nose.  I mean…

One Comment.
  1. Zach says:

    Do you know where I can go to get Atilla and Adolph to hook me up with one? My doc didn’t even have regular flu and said he didn’t think he would be bludgeoning anyone this year. Good for me I guess…

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