I dig my wife. I hope that if you’ve spent more than 1.7 seconds with me, you pick up on that fact. We met over 19 years ago as high school sweethearts, and she still makes my heart skip a beat. She’s the cutest thing that’s ever walked, she’s a great mom to our boys, and I simply love hanging out with her.
But that doesn’t mean that birds chirp every time we’re in each other’s presence. Marriage takes work. Intentional, focused, hard work. After years of sitting in the counselor’s chair while another married couple cries and says “We didn’t see this coming,” I always want to stand up and scream “HOW? You’ve ignored each other, taken each other for granted, sabotaged each other, and pursued anything and anyone else besides each other for your entire relationship! How could you not see this coming?”
That’s why you simply must work on your marriage. Like anything else, it won’t self-perpetuate if you just leave it alone. You’ll drift, you’ll grow frustrated, you’ll get tired. This thing called lifetime commitment is hard work, but it’s worth it. This is how Merriem and I have attempted to make this work thing work:
- I read at least a couple of books per year on marriage. Occasionally Merriem and I will tackle one together. I’ll list some of our favorite resources below if you’d like to check them out.
- We check in with each other to ask the “How are we doing?” questions. Those little things that might go unsaid, we don’t want to let go unsaid. One of my favorite questions to ask: “What am I doing that is getting on your nerves?” And no, I won’t tell you what she says.
- I pray for her…and for us. I’ll admit that we don’t pray together nearly often as we should or as I’d like…that’s something we’re always working on. But each morning as I pray, I’m praying something specific for my wife.
- I try not to take her for granted. I try to say please and thank you. I don’t ask her to do something that I can do myself. I serve her as often as possible.
- We still date each other. Every Friday, unless there’s a really good reason. And if there is a good reason, we try to make up for it another time. Our date days are vital for the health of our relationship.
If your marriage needs work, let me encourage you to consider one of the above things, and invite you to attend the Summit’s marriage conference this weekend. You can get more information here, and you can still register at the door. I hope to see you there!
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