Published: 9 years ago

Work On Your Marriage

I dig my wife.  I hope that if you’ve spent more than 1.7 seconds with me, you pick up on that fact.  We met over 19 years ago as high school sweethearts, and she still makes my heart skip a beat.  She’s the cutest thing that’s ever walked, she’s a great mom to our boys, and I simply love hanging out with her.

But that doesn’t mean that birds chirp every time we’re in each other’s presence.  Marriage takes work.  Intentional, focused, hard work.  After years of sitting in the counselor’s chair while another married couple cries and says “We didn’t see this coming,” I always want to stand up and scream “HOW?  You’ve ignored each other, taken each other for granted, sabotaged each other, and pursued anything and anyone else besides each other for your entire relationship!  How could you not see this coming?”

That’s why you simply must work on your marriage.  Like anything else, it won’t self-perpetuate if you just leave it alone.  You’ll drift, you’ll grow frustrated, you’ll get tired.  This thing called lifetime commitment is hard work, but it’s worth it.  This is how Merriem and I have attempted to make this work thing work:

  1. I read at least a couple of books per year on marriage. Occasionally Merriem and I will tackle one together.  I’ll list some of our favorite resources below if you’d like to check them out.
  2. We check in with each other to ask the “How are we doing?” questions. Those little things that might go unsaid, we don’t want to let go unsaid.  One of my favorite questions to ask: “What am I doing that is getting on your nerves?”  And no, I won’t tell you what she says.
  3. I pray for her…and for us. I’ll admit that we don’t pray together nearly often as we should or as I’d like…that’s something we’re always working on.  But each morning as I pray, I’m praying something specific for my wife.
  4. I try not to take her for granted. I try to say please and thank you.  I don’t ask her to do something that I can do myself.  I serve her as often as possible.
  5. We still date each other. Every Friday, unless there’s a really good reason.  And if there is a good reason, we try to make up for it another time.  Our date days are vital for the health of our relationship.

If your marriage needs work, let me encourage you to consider one of the above things, and invite you to attend the Summit’s marriage conference this weekend.  You can get more information here, and you can still register at the door.  I hope to see you there!

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Recommended books:

  1. Curt says:

    Here’s another tip. Don’t ever say, “YOU need marriage counselling.” not “WE need marriage counselling.” unless you’re being funny, then it’s ok because it is funny.

  2. Carl says:

    Danny, an awesome testimony of life-long love to the same woman = your wife. Merriem is indeed an awesome lady – a role model for many wives and mom. Nancy and I are coming up on 49 years this June – and indeed you are correct: marriage is hard work – all the time – BUT it is worth it. Thanks for your ‘instruction’. We all need to be reminded.

  3. Ginger says:

    Thanks for loving my daughter the way you do!

  4. Adam Hoffman says:


    How I appreciate your advice on marriage and family. Not only have you prepped me in our marriage, but you’ve encouraged me to take a stand on divorce in friend’s lives and make sure those around me are enriching their marriages. I feast of your wisdom and ask for more.

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