Before you read the following post, take note that the original publication date was April 1.
April Fools Day.
Thank you. And carry on.
Last year I released my first book, People Are the Mission: How Churches Can Welcome Guests Without Compromising the Gospel. As any newbie author will tell you, putting your firstborn book out into the world will make you wonder if you have it in you to bring forth a second one.
Well friends, I’m excited to announce to you today that a second book is indeed on its way. It’s a sequel of sorts, a follow-up that encompasses all the things I didn’t say in round one. I acknowledge that sequels aren’t always the best idea (can anyone say Speed II: Cruise Control?), but I’m convinced this one will be a hit.
(Drum roll, please…)
Book #2 is titled People Are the Worst: How We Can Survive Society When Everyone (Except Us) is Simply Awful. I’m incredibly excited about it, and I think you will be, too. Here are the working chapter titles:
- The ElephantDonkey in the Room, or: why my political opinion is vastly superior to yours, and I’m going to use Facebook to make you definitely end up agreeing with me.
- It’s Not Just “Something You Ate”: you have a communicable stomach virus and you need to stay home. The Bible says “Weep with those who weep,” not “Vomit with those who vomit.”
- Who Took My Phone Charger? A necessary soliloquy about disrespectful children.
- You’ve Taken Enough Photos of Yourself, or: why no one wants to see another bathroom selfie of you ever, ever, ever again. Ever.
- WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME, UNCLE LOU? A humble plea to turn off your caps lock key. (Also, please stop wishing me a HBD with a picture of an animated cake on my Facebook wall. Please and thank you.)
- Life is a Vapor: your e-cigarette looks like you’re playing a ridiculous tiny flute, and we’re all making fun of you.
- Nobody Wants to Hear About Your Essential Oils, Linda.
- Stop With The Hashtags: #itsannoying #youusetoomany #whyisthisevenstillathing #yourhashtagsaretwiceaslongasyouractualpost #seriouslythisisjustpainful
- We Get It, You’re So Strong and Healthy and Better Than Us: CrossFit, Plexus, Keto, and other things that make us want to rip off our ears.
- They Won’t Open the Cabin Doors for At Least Another Seven Minutes, So Just Sit Down, Quit Being in Such a Hurry, and Stop Jockeying for Position, or: why stooping over underneath the luggage bin is really bad for your neck, Mr. Rushy McRusherton.
I don’t want to overstate this, but I think this book will literally be the best thing you’ve ever read. Literally. Please help me retire early by pre-ordering your copy today.
If you’re up for more foolishness, here’s a look at April Fools Days of yore…
- 2018 – First Time Guest Easter Baskets
- 2017 – Blessed Are the Hands: My Next Chapter of Ministry
- 2016 – The Secret Shopper Service Begins!
- 2015 – Announcing the Summit’s “Fundamentalist-in-Residence” Program
- 2014 – Introducing socialMEdia™ Small Groups
- 2013 – First Time Guest Giveaways
- 2012 – New Day, New Parking Rules
- 2011 – The New Venue’s Value
- 2010 – Baptism Xpress This Weekend!
- 2009 – Gospel-Centered Coffee