You Won’t Make Everyone Happy. Be Kind Anyway.

Leaders, you don’t need me to remind you that we’re in a hard place. And it’s nowhere close to over.

2020 brought us a pandemic, an election, serious racial unrest, and more division than many of us ever thought possible. People have left our churches. Pastors have left the ministry. Staff members have left it all on the field and they have the blood and tears and lasting scars to prove it. And did I mention it’s nowhere close to over?

We’ve talked before about Napoleon’s thirds: in any group, there are typically two opposing opinions and a third yet-to-be-formed opinion. And opinions are strong right now. Here are just a few examples of what leaders are dealing with:

• The virus is a hoax vs. the virus is very real
• Masks should be mandatory vs. masks infringe on my rights
• The church should be open vs. the church should remain online
• The election was rigged vs. the inauguration will bring hope
• White privilege doesn’t exist vs. Why doesn’t the church talk more about racism?
• I refuse to take a vaccine vs. I refuse to return to church until all are vaccinated
• Live in faith, not fear vs. Listen to what the data says
• It’s pronounced “puh-KAHN” vs. It’s pronounced “PEE-can.” (Sorry, that’s not a national debate, but it should be. Because it’s “puh-KAHN.” Fight me.)

Last month, on the very same morning at almost the exact same time, a church member stormed out of the service at one of our campuses – yelling all the way – because a leader asked them to put on a mask. Across town at another campus, a guest stormed out of the service and said they wouldn’t be back until there is 100% mask compliance. That’s just one church. One issue. Two vastly different perspectives. And countless relational casualties on both sides.

Over the last ten months I’ve found myself slowly morphing from the guest services guy who wants everyone’s day to smell like sun-kissed roses … to the grizzled old war vet who’s apathetic about everything and assumes everyone is ticked off and realizes we’re never going to have a consensus so what does it all matter?!?

Maybe you’re there too. And like me, you absolutely don’t want to be there, because it’s a miserable place to be. So what’s our solution when it seems like at any given moment, half of the church is mad at us?

Be kind anyway.

But I disagree with their reasoning!

Be kind anyway.

But I’m not even sure where I stand on the issue!

Be kind anyway.

But I’m not on the same page as the rest of our leadership!

Be kind anyway.

But they’re being a class-A jerk!

Be kind anyway.

But they’re just simply WRONG.

Be kind anyway.

But I hate looking at their face and I wanna smash it!

Be kind anyway.

It’s hard to see it now, but most of this will end. The mask debate will eventually be a thing of the past. The administration you love(d) and the administration you hate(d) will one day be history’s administrations. And while there are perspectives and opinions and well-thought-out rationales from those we agree with and those we don’t, one day those perspectives and opinions and well-thought-out rationales won’t necessarily matter.

But how we honored the person will.

And how we led ourselves will.

And how we led others will.

We don’t have to love people’s opinions, but we do have to love people. We don’t always need to defend our position, but we do always have to display Jesus. Agreement on the issues isn’t a prerequisite for friendship, but a baseline of civility is.

Friend, I don’t know what you’re facing today. Maybe it’s a mixture of the above. Maybe it’s much worse than I can imagine. Maybe you’re doing okay.

I don’t know your situation, but I do know this: leaders rarely make everyone happy. That’s okay. Lead well. And be kind anyway.

And remember: it’s puh-KAHN.

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Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32, ESV)

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others… (Philippians 2:3-4, ESV)

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