North Carolina Squirrel Revival

It was a prophecy foretold by Ray Stevens.

A couple of Sundays ago – as I was minding my own business at the campus where my family worships and serves – the Slack messages started rolling in from another campus:

…out here doing the Lord’s work by removing squirrels who are harassing people trying to get to church…

Who are we to deny Psalm 150:6? All are welcome in the house of the Lord.

I think this would probably be a true definition of a visitor. We didn’t know they were gonna show up, we were not prepared for them, and we don’t know when they’re gonna leave.

It was a morning when the feral seventh-grade boys weren’t the only wildlife who showed up at church. A common sciurus carolinensis – or eastern gray squirrel – came strolling up on the front sidewalk as people were coming in. But rather than exhibit common squirrel behavior – i.e. running for his life when a massive human approached – he decided to get aggressive with the coffee-carrying evangelicals.

If you’re reading via RSS feed or email, this is a good time to visit the post to see photos and a couple of highly-entertaining videos.

But was our furry friend content to stay outside? Oh nay. Nay nay nay. He made his way into the outer entry doors where he was stopped by a Brooks-wearing Gandalf who declared that he would not pass:

As the natural world threatened to take over but before people started jumpin’ pews and shoutin’ Hallelujah, one man took it upon himself to restore order: Ben Snyder, parking team volunteer extraordinaire, grabbed a tool of the trade to capture lil’ Rocky:

Fearing that the squirrel had rabies, Animal Control was called and our on-duty officer was brought over to help. Ben the Brave scooped up the rodent cone and handed it over:

As it turns out, squirrels are not considered a rabies risk by the CDC. While they can get it, it’s extremely rare. ChatGPT – a completely trustworthy source – tells me that there has never been a documented case of a squirrel transmitting rabies to a human in the U.S.

So as it turns out, it wasn’t a rabid squirrel.

It was just an overly-friendly squirrel who had a hard time reading social cues. (Kind of like that feral seventh-grade boy.)

As you head into another Sunday, remember that not all heroes wear capes. Some wear parking vests.

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Photo / video credits: 5fr0ggy5, Chris Jacobsen, Caleb Frye, Curtis Andrusko, Brad Moore