Q&A: How Can I “Read” a First-Time Guest?

Q:

How can my First Impressions Team recognize when someone is lost or needs help, and what body language cues should we watch for to be more hospitable?

[Lauren Hurta, Guest Services Director and Connections Ministry Assistant, Warren Church, Augusta, Georgia]

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A:

Ah, the classic conundrum for those of us in the business of helping people! Think for a moment of your own experience when walking into a retail store. Do you want immediate assistance? Do you want to be left alone to browse? Do you want someone to magically appear as soon as you have a question or are ready to check out?

Take all of that activity and put it into a Sunday morning, and it’s no wonder our hospitality folks aren’t always sure when hospitaliity needs to be applied.

Here are four things I try to focus on when asking the “body language” question:

1. Observe how they “show up.”

Simply watching someone as they arrive on your campus or walk through your doors can give you some context clues that they might need more assistance. For example:

• The speed of their approach via car or foot. If someone seems like they’re not sure where to turn, where to enter, or what to do, it’s usually reflected in the stop/start of their pace.
  
• The pack they’re traveling with (or not). There is a usual social order that – when broken – gives you the opportunity to step in, offer help, and potentially make a connection: the young mom arriving alone with two or three kids in tow, the elderly man who is visibly sad, the college girl arriving by herself (when have you ever seen a college girl by herself?).
  
• See five other context clues in this post.

2. Watch their presentation.

In addition to pulling in or walking up slowly, other behaviors can tip us off to their unspoken desire for help:

• Direct routes and zero eye contact. Some people know where they’re going and don’t need (or want) your help to get there. While you can offer a kind “good morning” as they pass, honor their independence and let ’em loose.
  
• Rambling pace and lingering eye contact. Back to the “speed of approach,” a guest who is slowly wandering and maintains eye contact with you, glances back at you, etc., could be a quiet cry for assistance. After your “good morning,” ask more pointed questions in an effort to be helpful (more on this in #4 below).

3. Listen for the question behind the question.

When someone speaks to you, they don’t always know what they don’t always know. Their “question” may not even be a question. If we’re following a “they say / you say” model…

• “I just moved here.” “That’s fantastic! Welcome to town, and welcome to our church. We’re honored you came this morning, and hope we can be helpful as you’re getting to know this area.”
  
• “Life is just kind of hard right now.” “I’m really sorry to hear that. Would it be okay if I prayed with you now, and then may I help you figure out the best next step as you’re going through this?”
  
• “I’m not even sure what I’m asking for.” “That’s totally understandable. This is a big, new place with a lot of things to choose from. Can I make a couple of recommendations for a next step and see how those might help?”

4. Pay attention to your posture.

Don’t forget that you’re not the only one reading body language. If your guest percieves that you’re closed off, in a conversation, too busy to be bothered, “checking them out” rather that helping them out, they’re not going to be inclined to seek assistance even if they need it. So a few reminders:

• Stay off of your phone. Stay. Off. Of. Your. Phone.
  
• Smile. You can do it. I promise.
  
• Engage. That can be as simple as “Good morning!” with just enough lingering eye contact to let them know you’re willing to go beyond that perfunctory greeting.
  
• Ask. If they give off any of the signs in points 1-3, don’t be afraid to ask a simple question like, “Is there a way I can serve you right now?” “How can I best help?” “I’m happy to answer any questions.” “May I help you find a particular room / class / person / event?”

Related posts:

There’s a lot in the archives. Here are a few suggested posts for further reading:

• Be Alert.
• Four Ways to Stay Alert.
• What Does Your Posture Reveal?
• Walk Slowly Through the Crowd
• Should I Ignore My Friends for the Sake of Our Guests?
• Weekends Are For New Friends

Want to submit a question for a future Q&A post? Ask it here.

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