Three Questions to Call Out Someone’s Gifts
In the last post, we talked about the Bobs and Amys and Louises of our worlds: those people who called out giftings we didn’t know we had, spoke courage into areas where we were otherwise timid, and set our lives on a different trajectory than what we’d imagined.
But the question is: how? If we’re going to pay it forward, if we’re going to be a leader who (maybe) sees others futures before they do, how do we do that?
I have three starter phrases that I’ve used over the years, but before I get there, here’s a strong warning on why we shouldn’t call potential gifts out of others: anytime we’re doing it off the cuff, to manipulate, to get our way, to take advantage of a situation, that should be a red light / red flag / red line that we do not cross. Calling gifts out is not about getting what we want. It’s about discerning what God might want and what he might be doing in someone else’s lives.
This is not about us driving with the Holy Spirit in the passenger seat. This is about us being somewhere outside the car, observing the direction the Holy Spirit might be driving it, and asking our friend (the passenger) to open their eyes and pay attention.
(That was a horrible analogy. Let’s move on to those starter phrases.)
1. “Here’s something I’ve observed about you…”
Do: make it extremely specific. “When you led the devotional at our last team huddle, I noticed that people were really dialed into what you said. I think you have a really strong leadership intuition that others naturally follow.”
Don’t: fill their ears with empty praise. “You’re awesome and everyone loves you.” “You’re a rock star and you can’t ever leave our team.” “You can do anything you set your mind to.”
2. “Have you ever considered…?”
Do: give them a specific area where you think they would thrive. “I know you enjoy standing at the door and handing out worship guides, but those intuitive leadership gifts would help a larger group of our volunteers. Have you ever considered being a team leader?”
Don’t: throw out a title or an opportunity without telling them what it would entail and/or artificially lowering the bar. “There’s nothing to it!” “Anyone can do this.” “It won’t take any time at all.”
3. “Here’s a growth area I think you should try.”
Do: focus on a concrete next step like a class, a conversation, or a training. Connect what you see in their future with what needs to happen in the immediate. Set an expectation for what’s next.
Don’t: confuse “I’m nudging you can do this because I believe in you” with “I’m twisting your arm to do this because I’m backing you into a corner.”
Highlight a specific positive. Give a specific next step. Offer a specific nudge. Ditch the vague generalities, blow-sunshine-in-their-approximate direction type of statements that don’t help.
What other “starter phrases” have you found to be effective?
