I Don’t Need This in My Life

If you were to ask my bride to think back to our dating and early marriage days and highlight a particular pet peeve, she can name it without thinking.  Actually, pet peeve is not the best phrase.  I’d like to toss this guy into a pit of razor blades and then spray him down with lemon juice…now that’s a good way of describing it.

Early in our relationship, I had to be right.  More importantly, Merriem had to be wrong.  I’ll share a frequent example, and for some unknown reason will do it in the present-tense: we’re on a date.  She makes a statement.  I politely point out that there may be a fallacy embedded in the statement.  She even more politely counterpoints that there is not.  The date draws to a close, and when we get back to one of our parents’ homes, I ask my mom / dad / future mother-in-law / future father-in-law / whoever is listening if they believe the aforementioned statement to be true.  If it turns out that I am right, I look at her with a grin, fully expecting her to throw herself at me, thanking God all the while that he was so gracious to give her a wise, humble young man to be her boyfriend / fiance’ / husband.

As you can imagine, that rarely never happened.

Thankfully, God was able to whittle down what was a very rough edge.  I have now learned – as many husbands do – that even when I’m right (rarely), it’s wrong to parade it.  It’s not helpful to our relationship, and in the case of those razor blades, it might not be helpful for my well-being.

That’s why I’m so distraught over what may be my new favorite thing.  Just last week, I found out about a new service called ChaCha.  ChaCha is the poor man’s answer to not having an iPhone.  Let’s say you’re out with friends and the subject of 80’s music comes up.  As you must do when discussing 80’s music, you will spend a portion of your time on the topic of Billy Joel’s smash hit You’re Only Human (Second Wind).  This is the song, you may remember, that addressed the prevalent issue of teenage suicide.  It’s a proven fact that many teenagers changed their minds on taking their own lives after realizing that, no matter how bad they had it, at least they didn’t produce a music video as horribly crappy as Billy Joel did.

So back to ChaCha…somebody in the group says, “Hey, whatever happened to the people in the Second Wind video?  Did any of them go on to fame and fortune?”  And so, you whip out your celly, call 1-800-2-ChaCha, speak your question into the phone, and set in motion a live team of ChaCha experts to research your question.  Moments later, your cell buzzes, and you have a text message telling you that the drowning 80’s-style nerd in the video is none other than Adam Savage, co-star of MythBusters.

I have to tell you, ChaCha has the potential to ruin my life, my marriage, and all my friendships.  It’s a powerful force that must be used sparingly.  Used unwisely or as a “See there?!?” tool, I may yet suffer the wrath of that lemon juice.  (Which, according to the good people at ChaCha, burns because of the acidity that is found in the lemon.)