Bats in the Belfry

Regular blog readers know (as opposed to the irregular ones) that I occasionally like to mix it up with a few personal stories.  Okay, a lot of personal stories.

But life has been a bit busy for the personal stories to erupt lately.  I thought I was onto something Sunday when the highly-quotable middle child started a discussion on what I would replace my ’93 Honda Accord with whenever it went kaput, but sadly he didn’t deliver as expected.  (Come on, kid…think unicycle!  That’s a funny story!)

That’s why I was so happy on Monday afternoon to hear a real keeper of a personal story – not from me, but from the illustrious Bonnie Shrum, Support Ministries Administrator extraordinaire here at the Summit offices.  I share the following story – and my added commentary – with Bonnie’s permission.

It seems that Bonnie has bats.

Bonnie has been preparing to sell her house for approximately 26 years now.  Seriously.  Eight minutes after she bought it, she decided she would sell it.  And every spare moment has gone into preparing that sucker.  If you want a great house which by now simply has to be ready to go on the market, see Bonnie.  It’s a real deal, and now is totally bat-free.

Bonnie’s bat had taken up residence in the louvers outside her house.  It was a good-sized bat as far as bats go…not big enough to attack your children and carry them back to the louvers, but big enough that you could look at it and say, “Now there’s a bat.”  (Of course, I’m taking Bonnie’s word for it.  I never had the privilege of meeting said bat.)

Bonnie had to call the bat patrol to take away the bat.  No word yet on whether she used the bat signal.  (ba-dum-bum)  They came, they spoke soothing words to the bat, and they will supposedly release him peacefully in the wild.  Or club him to death with a flip flop while they’re driving down the road.  I can’t be sure.

Here are the really interesting facts, in case you’re still around and haven’t ditched this supposed-to-be-ministry blog for somebody who actually talks about important matters:

• Bats attract bats.  And if Bonnie’s bat’s hooligan friends had gotten word he was in the louvers, it would have been a bat party going on.  Think of it as a literal bat day…first 100 fans get a free bat.  (ba-dum-bum, again)
• It’s bat breeding season.  Seriously.  And no, I don’t even want to know how that works.  But if the bat had given birth to little batlings, they were completely off limits.  Animal control people couldn’t have done a dang thing until they could fly (the babies, not animal control).
• When bats do what bats doo-doo (if you know what I mean), it will erode the screen behind the louvers and allowing them full access to Bonnie’s attic, where they would have undoubtedly played all of her old Bee Gees LP’s.  So if you ever need to get through a screen, better arm yourself with a spray bottle of bat poo.

~Sigh.~  It really is a low moment for this blog, but thanks for playing.