Christmas Songs We Can Do Without
You won’t find anyone who likes Christmas music much more than I do. I have to fight good common sense every year to keep from cranking up a little Bing Crosby way before Thanksgiving. But even guys like me have their limits. Even I hear a song come on the radio from time to time that makes me want to drive myself off the nearest cliff. Here’s a list of my current annoyances…
- Let It Snow (Gloria Estefan version): everybody likes a good trumpet, but 154 trumpets trying to outdo each other on higher and higher octaves are a bit much. Sing the song already, Gloria. Kill the brass.
- Santa Baby (Eartha Kitt version): nothing says, “materialistic little princess” like this song. Every time it comes on the radio I totally overlook the cutesy novelty of it and just want to park her in front of a looping commercial about starving kids in Africa starring that guy who now that I think about it looks a little like Santa Claus anyway, so there.
- Santa Baby (Madonna version): same as above, except this time it sounds like a four year old singing it.
- The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late): written in 1958, this song proves that the 60’s wasn’t the only decade of rampant drug use.
- Any song by the Jackson Five where Michael has a conversation with his brothers. (“I did! I did see mommy kissing Santa Claus!” “Shut up and get back in the hyperbaric chamber.”) You’re a great singer, Mike. Don’t ruin it by talking.
- I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas: ’nuff said.
How about you? Which songs cause you to want to rip your ears from your head and feed ’em to reindeer?