Published: 9 years ago

All In

Merriem and I attended the wedding of our friends Nathan & Cheryl this weekend, much to my kids’ chagrin and my delight.

My kids hate weddings.  My second-born, Austin, also hates funerals.  He said on Saturday, “I’m not even going to my own funeral.  I won’t be there.”  That’s good theology.  When I asked if he would go to his wedding, he said, “Not if I can help it.”  That’s bad marriageology.

But I dig weddings.  Mostly I dig ’em because I get to critique whatever pastor is doing the ceremony.  Except for this time, because the officiating pastor is a friend of mine who is much bigger than me and could simultaneously crush me and pronounce ’em man and wife.  So I think he did a brilliant job.

But here’s what I loved about their wedding vows: Nathan & Cheryl wrote their own, and at the end, each of them said, “No matter what, I’m all in.”

That’ll preach.

I’ve counseled with far too many couples who aren’t all in.  She wants to remake man in her image, and is committed to nagging until she gets her way.  He wants to hang out with the boys and pretend he’s still single.

She doesn’t like his income.  He doesn’t like her spending.

He doesn’t like her lack of lovin’.  She doesn’t like his never-ending sex drive.

She gripes.  He shuts down.

He bellows.  She withers.

They fight. They argue. They refuse to compromise. They won’t seek help, won’t pray for wisdom, won’t be the other’s greatest cheerleader.

They’re not all in, and perhaps they never have been.

And maybe, neither have you.

What area of your marriage do you need to go “all in”?  What area have you been holding back?  Communication?  Respect?  Affection?  Adoration?  Protection?  Encouragement?  Humility?

If you’re not all in in your marriage, it won’t be long until one of you wants out.

  1. Matt Clark says:

    Awesome post Danny. Happy Birthday!

  2. Veronica Greear says:

    great post! and such wisdom evident in that phrase they used! i think when i got married i thought “it will either work, entirely on its own, or it won’t.” i did not subscribe to the idea that i would have to *work* on my marriage, that did not sound like fun to me. yes, i was a wellspring of delight and maturity. still am, actually.

  3. Aaron Tant says:

    I still have the letter you wrote to us, among other couples, about your concern that couples aren’t taking their vows seriously. Our marriage wasn’t hurting then, isn’t hurting now, but was a great reminder and refresher for us to continue to pursue one another and to pursue God. You’re awesome!

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