You Shall Not Password
Occasionally we hit the brakes on posts related to guest services, volunteer culture, and the like, and veer off into completely unrelated topics just for fun. Today is one of those days.
Scene: my office cubicle, attempting to log in to one of the seventy-bajillion websites we use to save time and make us more productive. (It used to be seventy-three-bajillion, so something is obviously working.)
Website: Please enter your username.
Please enter your password.
Your other password, you dolt.
Please answer the following security questions: what was the name of your first-grade teacher’s high-school crush?
Gerald (spoken dreamily)
What was the make and model of your first car?
“Make” means the year, right? I always get confu…
What shirt were you wearing that one time when you told the guy at Chick-fil-A you wanted a packet of honey with your spicy chicken sandwich but he thought you said, “Pack it, Honey” and things got awkward?
Uhhhh…the green hoodie with the inexplicable three-quarter sleeves?
Where were you the night of March 6, 1991?
Doing homework, I guess?
Are you sure about that?
I don’t kn…
Why are we all here?
Well, I suppose it’s to –
Why are we all here, really? (please use at least one special character)
You’re not even letting me…
Hei Hei the rooster on Moana doesn’t count as a special character. He’s more of a supporting cast member.
You make a good point, but –
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Oh, I know this one. It’s
Take five laps around the building.
Gross. You smell like a gym sock. Please apply deodorant.
Can’t I just log in and –
Briefcase or backpack?
Definitely backpack. Briefcases are stuffy and outdated.
Previous security answer should have been case-sensitive.
Oh I see what you did there.
What was your father’s hourly pay rate at his first job?
How can I possibly…uh…something about walking uphill in the snow?
Thank you. You now have access to the system.
Well it’s about ti-
Your current password has expired. Please create a new password.