How Does a Hospitable Culture Apply to Small Groups? (part two)
We’re in a new series called Hospitable Culture. The big question is this: What if hospitality isn’t something we do, it’s simply who we are? In other words, what if we could bump hospitality beyond the borders of an official team, and work it into every crevice of the church?
In part one of this mini-series-within-a-series, I gave you five suggestions on how to build a small group hospitable culture specifically for your first-time guests.
Today in part two, I’m covering general hospitality tips that everyone in your group will benefit from. And by “I’m covering” I mean that I reached out to some of the best small group hospitality pros our church has to offer. The following pro tips are an amalgam of responses from Robyn Eason, Summer Franks, and Kelly Sitton.
Weekly communication
- I reach out to our group two or three times via weekly email. Those run the gamut on just about anything, but are primarily a simple way to say that they’re on my mind.
- On the morning of our meeting, I send out a reminder with a rundown of what we’ll be covering that evening.
As people arrive
- I specifically greet each person, and attempt to use their name when I say hello.
- I hug everybody when they enter our front door and I hug them when they leave.
- With women, I find that my warmest welcome usually includes some kind of physical touch – a hand on a shoulder or lightly touching their arm.
- I always have gently smelling candles so it smells homey, but not like give-you-a-headache homey.
- Always have blankets out and available.
Food
- I think it’s great to offer something to drink, even if it’s just water. It’s not much and people often decline because they bring their own, but it sets a tone for the desire to care for them.
- Snacks are voluntary. At the beginning of each semester I will pass around a sign up sheet for this. It gives the ladies a feeling of belonging when they provide.
- We usually have a covered dish meal here every six weeks. I let them decide what that will be and then they all bring something to the table.
- At the beginning of each new semester I provide dinner for everyone. It’s a good way to begin again after Christmas or summer break before jumping into another study right away.
- If it’s someone’s first time in our home, I usually tell them to bring themself! After that, if they ask if they can bring something, I’ll delegate them something because it makes people feel less awkward to feel like they contributed.
Opening conversation
- We laugh a lot.
- We have snacks first thing and as we’re munching I ask for the week’s catch up.
- If we feel like it’s going to be awkward or anticipate not having a ton to talk about, we like having ice breakers on hand. Not corny, but an attempt to get to know you better.
- As we move into our meeting, I ask “What was your take away from Sunday’s message? What did you write in your notes? What stood out most to you?”
During the Bible study
- I do not call on people to read or pray out loud. I know the only way to get over that is to do it, but doing those two things out loud is voluntary here.
- Even though I have our lessons and agendas prepared each week, sometimes the Holy Spirit takes us in a different direction. Somebody might be in crisis and we need to sit with them in that. Or pray for just them and their trouble. I try to listen and be responsive as He leads.
- I try to remember to answer some questions with a question, or put the question to the group. I don’t want to give a lecture each week.
Welcoming in new people
- When someone inquires about our group, I write them a personal email. I give them the flyover view so they will know the big stuff – day, location, time, a description of our home, including some landmarks.
- I make sure people never question the details, because this is how I feel most loved. So just making sure they know where we live, where to park, what time to arrive, and what we’re eating.
- I always tell people to wear their comfy clothes.
- If I know people are uncomfortable with dogs or have babies, I’ll usually assure them ahead of time that our dogs will be put up.
- I encourage new people in the email: I’m so glad you are pursuing a smaller community within Summit’s larger one. Good for you! If you have any angst about coming into a group of people you don’t know, lay all of that aside. We’re all normal people, there’s not a stuffy one in the group.
- I greet newcomers at the door, just like I do all the regulars. I’ve learned to read body language so some I hug and some I don’t. I do introduce them to each and every person. I keep my eyes on them through the evening to watch for signs of nerves and do what I can.
- If introducing someone new, I try to make natural connection points by thinking of something they may have in common with the person I am introducing them to.
- I always make sure people know where our bathroom is. I don’t know why, but it’s always awkward to ask where a bathroom is.
- I direct people when it’s their first time, like, “feel free to sit at the bar while I finish cooking” or telling the guy they can join my husband while he’s grilling. I think it makes people feel awkward not knowing what to do with their body when they come in. But on the opposite note, I always try to have the food ready when people come in, so we don’t have that awkward time.
Caring for group members
- If we’ve got a sick person or someone who has suffered a loss, I pass around a card for the group to write and message and to sign. It is amazing what an unexpected card can do for somebody.
- I do not like this aspect of leading, but sometimes it is necessary to have the awkward conversation. I do not love them well if I look the other way when intentional sin is going on.
- When I am running on all cylinders, I have a one-on-one with each gal. I invite them for a meal here in our home. We’ve had some interesting conversations at our kitchen table.
- I so want those in our group to feed on God’s word, by themselves, every day. We’re missing an intimacy with the Lord when we are casual about His love letter to us.
We say all the time that we are not a church with small groups, we are a church of small groups. As you can see, these ladies (some of whom lead or have led the small group alongside their husbands) are the best of the best at how they welcome others.
How can you create that type of hospitable culture in your groups?
