Be Kind, Be Firm: Setting Expectations for Your Guest Services Systems
We’ve either been there, or we will be: “there” is that moment when a regular attendee is cheating the system you’ve set up for your guests, or for a certain demographic of your congregation. For example:
- The college student who takes advantage of the free coffee in Volunteer Headquarters, even though she’s never actually served as a volunteer.
- The dad who insists on parking in a spot designated for first-time guests, because it’s more convenient.
- The couple who consistently plops down in the rear auditorium seats reserved for families with young kids, not because they actually have young kids, but because they can bail out quicker once the service ends.
For the purposes of this post, let’s focus on that second example: the church member who habitually parks in a spot not meant for them. (Although, if you want to talk about the other examples, here’s a post on enforcing VHQ and here’s a bit more on that reserved seating for families with babies.)
What do you do when a church member cheats the system? You could take the easy route: angrily confront them in the parking lot. Create a new policy. Rewrite your by-laws to make this a matter of church discipline.
Or you can take the patient, pastoral route. It’s not easy, nor is it necessarily fast. But in the end, I promise you’ll feel better about your role (and soul) in the process.
Here are five checkpoints along that route:
1. Beware the curse of knowledge.
If there is one phrase I’ve repeated more than any other on this site, it’s the curse of knowledge. I attribute this to Chip and Dan Heath from their book Made to Stick, and the gist is this: just because we know something, we can’t assume that others know that same thing. Sure, you’ve talked about it. But have they heard it? Yeah, you’ve put up signs, but have those signs just become invisible white noise to the offender? Sometimes we get our collective jumpers in a bunch because we think people are being obstinate, when they’re actually just unaware.
2. Remember: they’re a guest, too.
Yes, I understand they’ve been around long enough that you don’t count them as a guest. I get the fact that they hold a leadership role or their grandma’s name is etched in a brass plaque at the bottom of a stained glass window. But if we are really going to develop a robust guest services culture, that means we treat everyone with the kindness we’d show to someone showing up for the first time. That person with a parking problem isn’t a punk for you to punish (how’s that for alliteration?); they’re someone for whom Jesus died. They’re an image bearer of God. Let’s treat them with the dignity they deserve.
3. Go back to your “air war” awareness.
That one announcement you made a couple of presidential administrations ago has long been forgotten, if it was ever heard to begin with. If this is a systemic problem with multiple members of your congregation, include an occasional friendly reminder from the pulpit, or a note in the bulletin. Or even a video walkthrough in your weekly email. And when you do this, keep the focus on the opportunity rather than the problem.
Not: “We’ve noticed a lot of you parking in first-time guest parking. Knock it off.” But: “Each week we’re excited to welcome people coming to our church for the very first time. You can serve them by leaving the marked first-time guest spaces available for them to park closer to the building.”
4. Beef up your “ground war” systems.
This is where the curse of knowledge might raise its head again. A couple of “first time guest parking” signs might not be enough. You can go on the offense without being offensive: make sure your parking team is directing the right people to the right spots. Don’t allow people to park in first-time guest parking unless they’ve turned on their hazard lights. Refresh your signage so it’s more visible. Block first-time spaces with cones that a parking team member has to physically pull for someone to park there.
If your parking lot is the wild wild west with every man for himself, expect that systems will be violated regularly.
5. Make it direct. But keep it kind.
Eventually, you’re going to run into that person for whom the rules apply to everyone else but themselves. And whether you choose to keep this in the suggested order at step 5 (because steps 1-4 benefit a lot more people than just the current offender), or just jump straight to it because you’re feeling froggy, remember point #2. They’re an image-bearer of God. They are either a brother or sister in Christ, or they’re someone you ought to be loving and leading in that direction.
So we can have a one-on-one conversation and confront with kindness. We can assume the best. We can be charitable in our speech. And we can do all of that while still setting clear expectations and boundaries.
If you’re developing a guest-friendly culture, you’re going to eventually get pushback – either passive or active. But pushback doesn’t mean you can’t push forward. One person’s resistance or stubbornness doesn’t have to derail your systems of kindness for those new to your church. Keep it kind, but keep it firm. Your guests are worth it.
